Meekness?

"Blessed are the meek: for they will inherit the earth."
Matthew 5:5
Blessed are the meek. Not by the ambitious, proud, self-serving, self-asserting throng.
Blessed in the now, present tense.
Will Inherit the earth. Notice the 'will', it is not a 'is' inheriting. But a "will" inherit. Not inheriting right now. Not this earth, with its current values but after whatever proceeds it.
If meekness is the selflessness, patience under wrong that was manifested by Jesus. Then I am in trouble.
I used to think I was pretty mild mannered. Not easily ruffled or provoked. And I was. I had a level-headed and wise mother whose consistent example and 'be like Jesus' mantra. Did much to foster a quiet spirit. But somewhere in my personality evolution, I began thinking that I should develop an opposite attitude. One that would set me apart. That would feign off the pain and put up those 'boundaries' everyone is talking about. What seemed vogue and apart was attitude highlights like, "no, she didn't!", "talk to the hand" or "he isn't going to get away with that!". I starting taking extra pains in my 'growth' to make sure my 'boundaries' where in place.
My girlfriends and one or two guys friends expressed surprise at my new vocal expression. I heard things like "you've changed!", and a "that's not like you!" or "is that Diana speaking?!".
But I was proud of my change. I was growing in knowing my own mind and was increasingly less afraid to express it. I was no longer at a loss for words or shy about saying expressing them. It seemed like the logical unfolding from personal knowledge and acceptance to protection of my sense of self. After all, isn't that what a strong woman is all about? I thought I was moving in a positive direction. I was become a liberated woman!
But the words of Jesus on the Sermon on the Mount told me the opposite. It proclaimed a blessing on the meek and the peacemakers. Both of which require self to be put aside and gentleness to reign supreme. I was torn.
On one hand I desired the blessing to be mine. I wanted to experience the happiness and peace that comes with fulfilling Jesus' governing principles. My journey has touched such joy and I want it always.
But on the other, what about being a strong woman? Your just supposed let people walk all over you? Disrespect you and say all kinds of things about you? And you are just supposed to be meek about it?! That cut me. Because it was then that I knew that it was because self was alive and well and on the throne that I wanted "me" to be protected by whatever words and actions were needed. That was not meekness!
With self dead, I realized, I wouldn't care who or what was said or done to me. I would care about the person, the dangerous path they were heading. I would care that my representation of my Jesus was right. Not that I was 'right'.
The picture was complete. And the sides where drawn. Meekness is a heavenly attribute that is not celebrated, let alone appreciated on this earth. While the blessing can be mine today and is not tide to circumstances. My 'earthly' inheritance is coming. And what a earth! Prestine, beautiful and perfect!
"Blessed are the meek, for the will inherit the earth."