I don’t remember where I read it…I don’t claim to be a fan of hers, but none the less I feel that she is more or less right. Marilyn Monroe was quoted as saying something to the effect that the Hardest Thing in the World is Pleasing One Person Completely.
I’m not taking about the reality that humanly speaking we can’t please each other completely…that you and I have a God-shaped hole that no human can fill. I’m just pondering the fact that it is a lot easier to please a lot of people superficially then it is to please one fully. Is this phenomenon just unique to me and Marilyn Monroe? I'm not inclined to believe this is so.
I understand that I speak from the window of my castle, from the vantage point of my experience, within the whirls of my personality. I haven’t always known this, I haven’t wanted to know this but it’s true, I find it easier to play the butterfly; fluttering around superficially pleasing others, causally commenting, always asking and delighting in discovering…sharing nectar so to speak. But more often than not, soul- nourishing, deep ties are wound around by others and not myself. That is not to say I don’t crave them or need them but I’ve realized through the help of another that somewhere in me there is a fear of intimacy: a fear that I will fail the other person, not provide what they need and want. The result is that I don’t intentional pursue enough what I really want: Soul deep, kindred spirit, David & Jonathon friendships. Don’t get me wrong, I initiate deep conversation, paradigm shifters and brain teasers but I don’t sustain them. I don’t couch them with every day consistent concern. I don’t intentionally keep them up. My fear of failure keeps me selfishly stuck. That’s it, isn’t it? Selfishness unmasked just again? For me that’s what it must be. Pleasing a lot of people is less time consuming, less demanding, less constraining, takes less of me then intentional pursuing an intimate connection. Smack me! Selfishness is just plain easier and just plain less fulfilling in the long run. I’ve even noticed that I tend to run around more easily in groups of three than I do in twosomes. The truth is that the twosome requires a lot more emotionally energy then the threesome…in one scenario, one person is depending on me, in the other two can keep each other company and I can do my thing more freely. Is this all bad news of what? Are there any positives in my makeup? Or do I have to completely resolve this by changing my natural niche zone? Marilyn might have spoken the truth about herself (and I relate), she did die alone, this goddess of millions. Isn’t that the ultimate end of selfishness…death?
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2 comments:
I can relate, thanks so much for sharing, and so eloquently at that!
Well it's interesting, I've often thought the same way but about exactly the opposite. It's seems that Marilyn and I have little in common. I'd much rather please one or two people, and forget about the masses of others. And I feel guilty about that sometimes, selfish. You know, just having like a few close friends and not doing much else with friendships that don't fit into your inner circle. It could be a personality difference, not a character difference, but nonetheless both extremes probably do have their roots in selfishness! Keep writing sis. Great food for thought.
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